Autumn, 1997, Vol. 4, No.1

ADOLESCENTS COMING OUT

By Allison Stooks, SSA second-year clinical student

Recently, I have come across individuals who have had discouraging experiences with the social work profession. Case in point, a friend named "Alix" came out as a lesbian to her high school social worker when she was 15 years old. After telling the woman "I know I am gay", the social worker responded "No, you are not." Alix sat bewildered and confused, relating to the woman that she has always known she liked girls. The social worker, in an attempt to enforce her agenda on Alix, spent the remainder of their session trying to convince Alix that she was "wrong" and "couldn't be gay," providing no support or understanding for her client's situation.

Similarly, at a major university in the Midwest, "Joe" was a young adult struggling with the idea that he might be gay. Joe first verbalized his thoughts to the social worker at the university's counseling center. Scared and afraid of his feelings and thoughts, Joe intrepidly took the steps to seek out this professional for guidance. In their first meeting, Joe "let it all out" and shared his very personal story with the social worker. Her intervention? She referred him to "aversive therapy" in the nearest major city to rid Joe of his "wrong, homosexual thoughts. "

Scarily enough, the events of these two cases are true and took place within the past four years. Luckily, the outcomes of these stories are both positive. Alix and Joe both came out to their parents immediately after these incidents and were supported by their families. Today, both have a good deal of contempt for the field of social work. These stories should raise social workers' concerns about what happens behind closed doors.

As professionals in a position to counsel individuals especially those who are still forming their identities, social workers have an explicit responsibility to meet clients "where they are" in their lives. The client's word should be valued. In both of the previous cases, the social workers' homophobia was unethical.

Gay teens are often put in a difficult situation, swimming against the current of mainstream culture. The homophobia and heterosexism in our society contributes to the pressure to stay hidden in the closet, to not "rock the boat" by coming out. Research has shown that boys and girls may know that they are "different" from a very early age, and come to a realization of their gay identity between 14 to 16 years old for boys, and 16 to 19 years old for girls (Saghir, Robins and Walbian, 1973; Downey, 1994). This time of discovery, all the while dealing with raging hormones, is difficult for any child. Compounding this equation with thoughts that he or she may be queer, or of a different orientation, could pressure an adolescent to deny his or her feelings.

Most gay teens feel isolated. Socially, they lack people with whom to talk; emotionally, they feel the distance that others put between them. Personally, they lack the resources and role models to obtain more information about sexual orientation. Many gay adults (i.e., teachers and counselors), who are in positions to provide a supportive environment can't because they may not be "out" in their place of work, due to their own fears of isolation, job security and discrimination.

Classmates are often the first to abuse those who are suspected of being gay. Compounding this situation is the fact that the parents and families of these youth are likely to reject or mistreat an adolescent who reveals a nonheterosexual orientation. It is not surprising that suicide attempts in this population are between two and three times higher than those of their heterosexual adolescent peers (Gibson, 1989). Many of these children are rejected by their families, which can result in homelessness, prostitution or substance abuse.

Throughout our lives, there are times when we question the norms of our culture. Being different is not always accepted by those people and structures that influence our lives. Theories of homosexuality are varied; but most of those who are gay feel it is within them from birth. They recognize that if they come out to those around them it may be at the expense of their personal welfare.

The challenge for social workers is to be able to work within the gray areas of sexual identity formation. Adolescents are naturally curious and are likely to explore their feelings and thoughts, which may run counter to the accepted norms of heterosexuality. Addressing their needs by providing a safe place for them to deal with their sexuality is a not a matter of "special circumstance", but one of basic social and individual justice.

The issue of sexual orientation lies in their reactions and feelings about persons of the same gender, rather than specific behaviors. Exploring such issues takes a therapist who is willing to problem solve and help the adolescent identify a sense of self. It requires someone who is not afraid to talk about same sex issues in the context of the therapeutic environment.

It is unfortunate that we live in a time where adolescents like Alix and Joe are told they are deviant because they brought up their sexual orientation in the presence of a trained professional. Their stories should have been accepted and explored without judgement. Nancy MacDonald, president of P-Flag (Parents, families, friends of lesbian and gays) notes that "With 'Ellen' and everything, more people are coming out at a younger age. In their exuberance, they think they're ready to deal with the real world-and run smack dab into homophobia" (Forster, 1997, p. 122).

As advocates for children's rights, let us not contribute to this road block and force adolescents back into the closet, where their identities are likely to remain hidden. Instead, let us respect and be sensitive to the thoughts adolescents bring into therapy, and encourage dialogue which allows youth to identify their orientation during a time when they need support from an objective, empathetic person.

Downey J., Sexual Orientation Issues in adolescent girls. Women's Health Issues, 1994; 4:117-121.

Forster E., "High School Confidential," OUT, September 1997; pp. 12rJ124, 198-199.

Gibson P., LCSW, "Gay Male and Lesbian Suicide," Report of the Secretary's Task Force on Youth Suicide, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 1989.

Saghir M., Robins E., Walbian B., Male and Female Homosexuality, Baltimore, MD: Williams & Wilkins, 1973.

Allison Stooks is a second year clinical student at SSA. Her field placement is at The Center for Addictive Problems.

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